A New Way To See Valentines Day… and totally revolutionize your relationship all year long.

Young happy couple by Milenko Đilas on 500px.com

 

Valentines day. You either love it or hate it.

And this depends a lot on your relationships status.

Even if you do have someone, you might hate it because of the obligation to do something “romantic” or “do anything at all” on this day.

For all you haters, I can relate to the resistance at being told to do something, but come on.

This is love.

If you are resentful at expressing your love to the one you are with, there is something wrong.

Even if it’s just your attitude.

Too many people are in relationships for all of the practical reasons but forget to celebrate each other and their union.

Personally, I love celebrating, EVERYTHING. Any excuse to celebrate, I take it. Birthday’s? More like birthday months. Going out to dinner, when they ask if it’s a special occasion, we always say yes, “we are celebrating”. When they ask what, “we say life.”

I like it, it makes me feel good and happy.

What if you viewed your love this way.

What if, instead of dreading this day you feel obligated to express your love and affections on, you see it as a day to celebrate.

 

Celebrate yourself, your lover, and your union.

While I’m at it let’s get even more crazy!

I suggest using Valentines day as a reminder to celebrate your love not just once a year on the holiday of love, but every day, EVERY WEEK.

Daily appreciating what you have and who you are with.

At least one day a week set a time and space to come together, just the two of you, to celebrate and enjoy the love you have.

Call it a date if you will. But set up a time and get a babysitter.

Do something that actually takes effort and thought to show your lover they mean the world to you.

Go out, bring her flowers, buy him something small you know he loves, do something together, take a class, but allot a specific time to spend together even if its going on a walk and talking.

Set a time and place. Put it on the calendar.

The act, or what you do, is less important than the commitment to put energy into your union each week.

 

So stop complaining about having to get off your lazy ass and actually do something to express your love to this person you supposedly love and care for, and up your game already!

 

These days there are lots of options out there. You no longer stay with someone for necessity and survival like times of old. You are with someone because it feels good, for pleasure, and interactive companionship.

Take your union for granted long enough and the other will leave. Neglect to allot specific time to build and grow your union and it’s going to fade. You will grow apart and eventually someone will leave.

Instead, celebrate.

Cherish what you have. It’s a gift.

 

Love is a living thing, and without constant care, nurturing, and growing, it dies.

Celebrate your love everyday in smaller ways and in attitude and spirit, and at least once a week, if not more in a bigger way, put energy into building and growing what you say you care about. Your love. Your partner.

Actions are what count. Make time.

What you focus on expands, so focus on your love and it’s only going to grow stronger.

Happy loving.

love love love
Salenta

ps… I love hearing your thoughts and opinions. Please share. And… if you have any fun ideas or ways you celebrate your love, big or small, please share it below. 

Conscious Dating Discussion with Brandon Boucher

A discussion on dating, how to get the girl, what he did before he even met her, the balance and dance between the divine masculine and feminine, and the difference between what Partnership is vs. Relationship. ♥

Brandon listened to an interview I conducted a few months ago with Drew Gerald on Conscious Dating, after applying some of those techniques discusses Brandon connected with a beautiful women and their love and connection is now flourishing.

Brandon shares what he did and how the dynamic between two people can change when you change the way you relate first with yourself, and from the very beginning of ‘dating’.

Thank you Brandon for sharing your success story and also for the tips on what worked for you.

love love love

Salenta

PS… What did you think of this? What has been your experience with conscious dating? please share your comments below, I would love to hear from you 🙂 

How to Gracefully and Tactfully say NO to a Romantic Advancement

Okay, so this was something I struggled with a lot. So much so, that, in the past, I would rather give my number to someone I had no interest in and deal with the hassle of them contacting me all the time, then have to tell them I was not interested. Let me tell you, that was a lot more work and I got myself into some sticky situations, instead of just politely saying ‘no’ right in the beginning.

So, what do you say when someone you are not interested in asks for your number or a date? You don’t want to be rude, nor do you want the situation to be awkward and turn weird.

This is what I do, and I welcome an open discussion on the topic, male and female opinions alike.

For me, I have come to find that the simplest and most effective way is to just say “no thank you.” I saw this on a movie and it was so natural, effortless, and easy, and neither person felt uncomfortable. I thought, if it’s that easy in the movies, it has to be similar in real life. And guess what, it is. The way it is delivered makes all the difference. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable, most likely so will he/she. So lighten up!! Delivery of the message in a calm, friendly, flattered tone puts both of you at ease. 

When asked for my phone number now, I say, “Oh I’m flattered but, no thanks”, “I don’t think so, but thank you.” When asked if I would like to go out, “I don’t think that would be a good idea for me, but thanks for asking.”

It’s that simple.

You don’t have to make up excuses, you don’t have to lie and say you have a boyfriend, you don’t have to feel weird and panicked when this happens. I have even said, “I am unavailable.” Just because you are single does not mean you are available.

Be polite and be honest. I guarantee you are saving yourself lots of time, and even more awkward moments than if you string someone along just because you did not know how to say no in a nice way.

Nice girls, don’t think you have to be bitches when declining an offer, or that declining an offer is bitchy. If you are still nice, light hearted and easy going, and have those words roll off your tongue like it ain’t no thang… guess what… it ain’t. 

Life is too short to stress over how to say no. Know your boundaries and be so comfortable in them that you effortlessly deliver them to others. You don’t have to feel all calm inside the first few times this happens, you just have to act calm and the calm will come.

The more you say ‘no’ in other areas of your life the easier it will get to say ‘no’ in this area. You are most likely the type of person who can’t say ‘no’ to people you want love or respect from, and that could mean everyone in your life. Start getting comfortable saying ‘no’ in a nice, easy way, and people will start taking it in a nice easy way. People tend to mirror and project back to you the emotions and tone you have.

So next time you are out and a guy is making the move but you are just not feeling it…. just say “no thanks.” Do what your mamma taught you around shady situations as a teen 😉 JUST SAY NO!!

Life can be a lot more simple when you lighten up, know what you want, and are firm and comfortable in standing by that. Practice brings this comfort, so get to it already.

Love Love Love

Salenta

 

P.S. Are you ready to tap into love and become more confident in all areas of your life? Text me now! 801-382-9020

Make Her/Him Like You More… Naturally!!

Make dating easier by applying this simple and fun technique to your conversations. By adding this into your dating toolbox you will naturally make her like you more, not by anything you say, but by what she says.

Try it and please comment below on how this works for you or how it has in the past.

 

Love Love Love

Salenta

 

PS… if you are interested in more juicy tips like this please sign up here to get my e-Love Letters.

10 Lessons Learned From the Hardest Break-up of My Life

I would see these couples who kept breaking up and getting back together again, and in my youth and ignorance I could not understand why on earth they would do this. For me it was always cut and dry, I wanted to be with someone, or I didn’t.

Then, I got this same little scenario handed to me on a golden platter so I too could learn and see why people did this.
We were together 4 years, in that time I cannot tell you how many times we broke up and got back together again. We worked hard on ourselves and the union, we learned much, we grew much and healed and blossomed, and in the end, when the lessons were learned the break-up finally stuck.

Hopefully you can learn from my pain and turmoil to save yourself some time and effort.

Here are my lessons learned.

1) You cannot make someone love you the way you want to be loved, no matter how hard you try, or how long you stick around. People will love how they love, to expect anything different is absurd. If how they authentically express does not jive with you, move on.

2) If you are monogamous and your partner is not, or the other way around, no amount of anything you do is going to make them change at their core. Love them for this, accept this and them, and then love yourself more by saying goodbye. If your partner is in love with someone else, and does not want to give the other person up for you naturally, it’s a sign, move on.

3) No matter how connected you are, how good of friends and partners you are, how much love you share and fun you have together, if the two of you do not want the same life path and have the same core values, long-term partnership is never going to work. Even if every other aspect of your life together is 100% fantastic, if your long-term goals and ambitions are opposing, its never going to work. Core values that are similar are your building blocks, if these blocks are not there, neither is the fertile ground for a healthy union.

4) A good partnership and union needs more than love. Love and connection are wonderful but just one aspect to a healthy union and cannot hold a long-term relationship alone. Living together and merging lives together needs a lot more than love, love is the icing, the sweet, the magic, but there are other aspects that need to be in place too. Similar core values again is imperative, it helps if you are spiritually aligned or respect each other for your differences without judgment or wanting to change the other, and mutual respect and honoring each other, just to name a few.

5) You are never going to change someone. NEVER. If they do not choose to change freely from their own volition, it’s never going to happen by you trying to urge it on. Accept this and love them for it, but love yourself too by moving on.

6) Do all you can to make a partnership work, but, as soon as you realize your non-negotiables are not ever going to be met, face the facts as soon as possible and move on. Dragging things out and trying over and over again to make an unworkable situation workable is just emotionally draining, painful, and drags out the inevitable. It also causes more pain because closer ties are formed and in the end you still need to leave. Get the **** out now, and save yourself some trauma.

7) Be open and transparent as to attract the same in a partner. Save both of you lots of time and hassles by laying all your card on the table from the beginning. Relationships are not a game; you are not trying to trick someone into loving you. If you are, or you think that by hiding all your bad they will love you, go get help NOW and heal that shit already.

8) If the relationship makes you feel less than worthy, not valuable, not good enough, it might be time to move on. This one is a bit trickier. If you are feeling these negative emotions you first need to clear and heal these things within you. This is all you baby. Once you heal this, and the situation still makes you feel this way, get out. You will always create situations to validate your beliefs about yourself. Once the belief has been upgraded, so must your relationship, and if it doesn’t shift, its time to move on.

9) No amount of pretending, looking away, wishing, hoping is going to change things or make them better. If things are not great, open your eyes and accept them, be strong, have the courage, and love yourself enough to see the truth and move right on along. Even when it’s hard, choose YOU.

10) Bottom line… relationships are all about love. Not the love you get from the other person, but the love you have for yourself. If the situation is not loving and nurturing to your soul, you need to choose love, not the love that is hurting you, but the only love that really matters. LOVE YOU! AND CHOOSE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. Once you have mastered this, it is easy and natural to love another in a healthy, supporting, nurturing way. You have to master self-love first.

Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes it is the only way. By taking this step and taking a stand for you, you are showing the ultimate love for you and them, you are setting both of you free to find a true match.

This break-up was very hard but, thinking back, it was filled with so much love, and I appreciate all that love and support beyond measure. There was no animosity, only wanting the best for each other and ourselves. It was a blessed union even with all the mismatches.

I invite you to use your break-ups and look into them to reveal your jewels of wisdom and knowledge.

I would love to hear from you and your experiences. Please share your nuggets below in the comments section. I look forward to hearing from you.

Love Love Love

Salenta

Are There Just No Good People To Date Out There? How to Find More Interesting ‘Datable’ Matches and Expand Your Dating Pool!!

16 August 2014

After perusing a dating site a while ago, besides being heartily entertained by reading profiles, and more grateful than ever for the man I have, I noticed something interesting, and I have come across this same theme in my consulting too.
Read more

Filling The Void

As woman I know you have felt it, you probably feel it right now. The feeling comes and goes but you feel it most when things are not going your way. But sometimes its there when things seem like they should be fine… but something just feels off, missing.

What is it?

Read more

SELF-LOVE…What Is This Really?

red heartThe term ‘loving yourself’, or ‘self-love’ is almost cliché these days. You hear it everywhere, I’ve written about it before, but what does it actually mean, and who is actually practicing it?

As a coach, without fail, each person I work with has a problem with self-love. For being such a wide spread idea, not many of you actually take this phrase to heart and practice it.

But why would you?  Your whole life has been spent being programed to do the opposite. You are told it is better to give than to receive. You are taught to put everyone else above yourself, and if you don’t, you are selfish. You have spent many years with these words ringing in the back of your mind and now suddenly you are told to love yourselves?  What does this even mean? What happened to loving everyone else more? Your circuits have been confused, leaving you conflicted and in a stop program, where the strongest belief wins out.

So, even if you think you are loving yourself, I guarantee, you can always do better at it.  And when you do, your life, your happiness and your love will expand to new heights.

The two main reasons you don’t practice self-love is first, you have blocks or conflicting programs keeping you in a ‘put everyone else above me’ mode, or second, you just don’t know how to love yourself. The latter reason is much easier to remedy; knowing is the first step to doing. I’m sure you never saw this most important principle practiced or modeled for you, so now just being told to do it still leaves you hanging with no where to go.

So how do you love yourself more?

 

We have been fed a lie, a myth that needs to be busted now. The myth is that being self-centered is a bad thing!! I call bullhonkie on this one. Without being self-centered, how can you be available in any authentic way for anyone else?

Now, I did not say selfish, I said self-centered.

Selfish is being excessively concerned with your own well being to the determent or disregard of others. The thing you have been warned against your whole life.

Self-centered, on the other hand, is being centered in yourself, your truth, and what is best for you. This is the only way to be authentically you, if not centered in you, how can you even claim to know yourself, let alone love yourself.

Being centered in you means to start looking at yourself in a new way.

Get to know yourself perhaps for the first time.

What do you really enjoy? What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? What gets your juices flowing? I invite you to explore these questions in a new way.

  •  Start looking at yourself like you would your lover.
  • Start speaking to yourself like you would a lover.
  • Be nice to you.
  • Do nice things for you.
  • Start to build a relationship with you.
  • Spend quality time with just you, no one else, and like it.

 

The only reason you don’t think you are amazing is because you don’t know that you are amazing.

Most of you just take advantage of you. You have been together for so long you no longer notice yourself anymore. Just like that couple that has been together for so long they don’t even know each other anymore, or care to, you have gotten in the rut of being with you.  Well, start to care again. Start to get to know yourself again and build a relationship of trust, love, and respect with yourself.

I’m going to say that again, build a relationship of trust, love, and respect with you. The more you trust you, the more others will trust you. The more you love you, the more others will love you. And, the more you respect you, the more others will respect you.

When you are feeling a lack in your life, instead of looking outside of yourself, I invite you to look within. You are most likely the one holding out on yourself the most, you are the one who is hardest on yourself, and you are the one who has the meanest words to speak to you.

Take a deep look at how you treat you. This one simple truth has the power to change your whole life.I Love Me

 You can only be loved as much as you love you.

You are only as beautiful as you see yourself; you are only as smart as you see yourself. This is the first step to any love with anyone. As you start to open to your own love you will be surprised at how much other love starts to come your way. Others like people who like themselves. People will start to want to be around you more, more opportunities will start opening for you, but most importantly, you will feel so darn good. Happiness will flood you, not the fleeting, passing sort of happiness. But a rich, deep, everlasting joy will fill your life like never before.

 

Try it… I dare you. Love you!!

Love Love Love

Salenta

Romance Tips…

Romance Tips

When most men hear this word, they go into shock, they shut down, seeing lips move but no sound seems to be coming out of the speakers mouth. Suddenly they find themselves in a whole different scene on a different planet, one far, far away from that dreaded word.

 

Does this sound like you, or close to you? Well, Im here to tell you romance can be one of the funnest things you can do.

 

Romance is not just for woman, men dig it too. Everyone loves to be loved. Romance is just an outward display of that love. Its something that when added into everyday life can keep a relationship hot and spicy!!

 

Romance Tips and Suggestions:

Always be sincere

It doesn’t matter as much what you do, but how you do it. Always come from an honest authentic place. If you are just doing it because you think you ‘should’, then rather don’t do it. Your partner will feel any resentment you have. Now a little stress or anticipation is a good thing, especially if all this romance business is new to you, if it is you can probably expect a little healthy stress 😉

 

Do things you and your partner likes

This doesn’t mean only do the things you know you like. It means don’t torture yourself and do something you know you hate. Be adventurous though, try new things, then if you don’t like it you know not to do it again. Also, if you do something you know he/she loves, but its not your favorite thing, and you do it anyways, you will probably score big points.

 

Touch more

Reach over in the car and tickle or touch their arm or neck. Be more generous with your kisses, there can never be too many given.  If you are not a naturally affectionate person it’s probably because you haven’t tried it much, or received it. Try it, you may like it. 

 

Tell them with your words

This might seem like a no brainer but many times we get so caught up in life we forget to tell our partners how much they mean to us. Send cute texts, speak sincere works, and don’t forget to be playful with your words too. Words can create some juicy magic, leading to even more juicy activities.

 

Remember romance in the bedroom

Create a mood, light some candles, and do things a little different than normal. Give your lover a massage, take a bubble bath together, or just get cuddled up and have an intimate conversation together. The key is to show that extra care and affection.

 

Be bold enough to have your own flavor of romance come out!!

Everyone is different, if you are really lost, go and see what others have done, but ultimately tune into ‘you’ and see what magic you have waiting to be unleashed. Be bold, live on your edge and show your lover just how much he/she means to you.

 

This should get you started.  Remember to add your own flare. 

 

Romance is the true spark that keeps that fire burning strong. The more logs you put on the fire the bigger the blaze!!

 

Happy romancing <3

 

Love Love Love
Salenta

ps… I want to hear from you… please leave a comment.

All We Want Is Love

Do you ever just feel to your deepest core and essence of what you want out of love. Do you ever just feel small, and young, and childlike? Like a young boy or girl, just wanting to love someone so deeply and give your all to them, and have them love you back in the same innocent and full way?

 

I feel this sometimes. When I do, it catches me off guard. I like to think of myself as a strong woman, pretty put together at least most of the time. But every once in a while I feel my vulnerability, my true pure heart. And at the ‘heart’ of it, all it wants is to give and receive the purest, most honest, full love possible to mankind.

 

And then, as I feel this I want to cry. Cry out of joy, out of peace, out of sadness, I don’t know which, maybe all of them all at once. What I do know is that the intensity of this pure essence of love is transforming, it is life changing, it is humbling.

When tapping into this deep part of yourself, and feeling your truth, it can inspire on so many levels to do so many things. Mostly, it inspires me to be better. A better lover, a better friend, to give more, to let others give more.

When you get real with yourself and the one’s you love, you too can open to this intense emotion. It is inside of you, it’s inside of everyone.

Open your heart and let the joy and love of life flow through you, making you a better human being and improving all your endeavors.

Love Love Love, is all there is…

 

Love love love

Salenta

ps… I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment.